from Austin Graef
2019 S.O.W.E.R.S. Graduate

1 Peter 5:8
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

Fear paralyzes. It’s the greatest tranquilizer in existence. Before jumping upon its prey, a lion will roar, paralyzing its prey with fear. Fear causes us to freeze and to panic, and short-circuits our ability to think straight. Now, the more time we spend searching the Word and talking with God, the more we learn things like “…God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” from 2 Timothy 1:7, or familiarize ourselves with the 365 times the Bible says “fear not” or “don’t be afraid.” Now, learning about fear and how it paralyzes is one thing, but being 60 feet off the ground with only a rope and a few fingertips between you and a rocky demise is another thing entirely.

When you’re on the rocks, it’s hard to get comfortable. Really, the entire situation was horribly uncomfortable, and I can’t help but remember how often the thought “I don’t want to be here” ran through my mind. In the midst of fatigue, pain, fear, and general discomfort, all of the book-work that I’d done on fear was suddenly unimportant. All that I really cared about was getting my happy ass off the rocks. And when you’re in the middle of a climb, you can’t exactly call it quits halfway through. The only way out of that situation is to see it through and make it to the top.

I have only been in that level of discomfort maybe twice, and both times were when quitting a job. I hate quitting jobs. It brings me a great deal of discomfort, and I would build up fear about all the things that could go wrong. Similarly, when stuck on a climb and trying to find the next handhold, I would build up fear. I’d start imagining the possibilities of slipping and falling, and the pain that was sure to accompany smacking my body against the rock face accompanied the cuts on my fingers from each time I’d slipped before. Now, while quitting a job and rock climbing may not have many similarities, the fear was all too familiar. The only other similarity I can think of is how stupid it was to sit in fear in either situation. The time I spent tormenting myself on the rocks thinking about the next step was insurmountably more horrible than just taking the next step. The thoughts that ran through my head when procrastinating putting in my two weeks’ notice were horrendous in comparison to talking to my supervisor.

That’s the thing about fear: fear is a liar. If you allow fear to paralyze you, you will be devoured. However, fear is as easy to conquer as taking one step forward, and letting one foot fall in front of the other. Unfortunately, that’s hard to learn from a book. It requires stepping outside and facing the things that you fear to overcome them. And while being stuck on the rocks in pain and in fear was a harrowing experience, there’s nothing quite like pulling yourself over the ledge of the top of the world.

Fear is a liar, and it requires confrontation to be corrected. That was the greatest thing I could have taken away from my time at Abound.

Love in Christ,

Austin